Poetry

July 25, 2018 - in transit to the Yukon 

Take your time

Escape Time

Feel Time Expand

I don’t know what I will find

I want to get lost to get found

Wild, Please guide me

Embrace me

Disappear along the river

So that I may find myself

Soft Front

Strong Spine

Wild Heart

A whisper in the wind

******

August 1, 2018- Yukon River

Spine of the river

Trace the river through the spine.

It’s bends and curves, a fast eddy in slow standing pool.

The river dancing like seductive silk, the silky sweet flow of a running history.

Deep aqua green whispers in the cracks of my vertebrae.

A curious quick turn on the bank of the cervical spine.

Remember the twists and turns and long silent paddle strokes that swirl along the bend of the River’s lumbar spine.

Trace the river through the spine, a map of time, place, and weight.

A moving map with ground and sky in the soothing floating flow of refreshing electric life.

Well-worn vertebrae become the small rocks along this shore.

I am as fresh and tired as this land.

Ever twisting spine of slow.

******

 August 9, 2018 - Fort Selkirk Yukon River

Empty rooms, lost thoughts

Empty rooms, lost thoughts

Words dancing through a rhyme that has now gone missing

Relics of once was; a time of purpose and function now sleeps, sunken in and nestled among the rotten floor boards.

I use to stand here; this once was my shell, my home

But now I exist only as a distant memory.

I look through the windowpane and see my fading shadow disappear in one breath.

The wood stove no longer burns strong. A house once full of excitement, laughter and long conversations now sits lonely at the river’s edge. My past stories whisper through the trees.

I am passing a slow solitary hike through the woods and only my spirit remains in the sunset or soaring freely with the eagle’s wing.

******

 August 13, 2018 - Yukon River

Empty Creek

-       Authentic Movement Responsive Writing

The sun as a bright light source, I see my shadows through the soft translucent flesh of my eyelids.

The traces of my own movement become trees and vines enveloping me in a soft caress.  I framed the sun with my bones as the light passes through me. The breeze carries me.

Off balance, tiny micro adjustments of the ankle joint runs through my body. A monumanteous terrain at the calcaneus becomes a river through my body.  The river once ran here and now the vertebrae of the riverbed are cemented together making ground for new life to emerge from.  I feel nestled between these mountain peaks.  The spine of mother earth guides me down the river.

What is my materiality within the materiality of this landscape?

Time passes at a rate that is long and strong.  Old spirits or the imprint of past  forgotten marks  float down the stream carried north by the strength of the river. I wonder what the sense of time is in the composite of my own bones. My own landscape may not be that deep or is it oh nature or the past lives that carry within my cells.

Flesh like the crusted ground Earth mud, bones of rock crest Mountains and towering trees, hair as ancient horse grass blowing the breeze.  The exhale of my lungs creates a mini gale that dissipates with the river flow running through my blood.

The pulse of the heart pumping in the current of time, like that of the directional current running through the river.

The mini peaks and valleys of the ear is its own ecology of tiny mountains or a boil within the river at the same time.

The ribs curve like the Riverbank or are smooth well-worn driftwood that I carry inside me.

I stumble come on my foot can’t find grounding. Pushing into the earth I spent in the circle.  The earth’s force reverberates through the time trace of the fascia spiderous web.

Falling, catching myself right at the point of my next fall.  Fall fall falling again and again. Rolling tumbling through the  mystery of this dried Creek. I manage to stay afloat.

I feel as fresh and tired as this land.

August 14, 2018 - Yukon River

River Haikus - Poetry Fire

Thrust through the water
Rushing current that take me
Toward the Unknown

Immersed Wilderness
Soft Front, Storng Spine, Wild Heart
I  have landed here

New Friends to laugh with
Gold Leaf, Breeding, Carmichael
Fish pole left behind

Hidden booze barrels
Rocks weighing down the canoe
memories to last

Paddle for the views
tired body lugging shit
perfection to hold

Waiting to boil
Milk, piss water hydration
It is still worth it.

******

New, my body feels it.

A heart that longs to be loved.

******

August 25, 2018 - Susie Lake, Halifax

Sighs for the River

Lakeside a substitute for the river.

Silky fresh water caress my skin and my inner thighs and armpits float in the sweet seduction of nature.

A pool of tears from the sky so large it carries me to happiness.

A calm grace that I cannot describe but a sensation that I deeply feel and need.

I sit here alone feeling the pull of opposing emotions.

The solid rock, sweet spruce smell and the femininity of water holds my heart and my nervous system is at peace.

Simultaneously I mourn the laughter of 12 experiencing the present moment together. I miss my river friends and our brief cosmos of artistic river richness. Beings so sensitive and articulate to every change of texture along the sky and water, their impact on my soul is profound.

A wave of loneliness returns of the settling to home. Why is home and a need to be here filled with loneliness and disillusion?

I stroke the ink deep in my wrist and remember the beauty, love, and laughter that carried me along the river.  I am blessed to have had this moment in time forever printed on my skin and in my soul.   

******

 

September 12, 2018 - Halifax, week 1 studio process

A wild I can’t describe

What is this wild that I am enchanted by, but I’m trying to capture or hold on to.  How can I physicalize the feeling I can’t describe.  Even when I do this very task for a living.

In the wild there is a tactility of the body and respect for the materiality of function that is potent, raw, practical but rich.  Our eyes are open to the horizon.  The translucent windows to the soul allow the light to flow in  so that  we may take in the landscape visually and cellularly.  The breath connected to the feet on the ground, held in a large pregnant pause knowing our significance or presence is minor to the larger cosmos that unfolds around us.

Animals passed by me traveling through their own ecological track undisturbed or indifferent to my path. Their path or process of existence is an incredible mystery to me but held in the utmost reverie or romanticism my heart stops as i hold my breath simply witnessing each mighty foot fall as they pass.  This animal gently imprints the Landscape but in a larger cycle or ecological framework they mean so much more that I can’t even begin to fathom but I know it is real.

******

Sensations of the wild body:

Free

Alert

Sunkist

Tired, weather worned,  but steadfast and pushing through

Inspired, awe

Contextualize counterpoint

Blue Horizon lines clearing the mind

Suspended, float

Time passing, strong history -Yet time at a standstill

Quiet tension

Larger than life stillness

Anticipation

Prioritizing/understanding/actualizing necessity

Salty, Sandy, Dirt

Deep Squat

Leaning back with surrender and breath

Push Forward, Sleep you can’t escape

Weighted time or suspended weight waiting for the  pot of water to boil, sun to set, or fire to hold/catch.

 ******

   May 7, 2016

3 mins of stillness

Stillness and silence two gifts so rarely felt.
a quiet mind, a great escape
not realizing how much it is needed until you allow space for stillness and silence

Distant gull, the clank of a pressurized man hole, 
the come and go approach and withdraw of the motor hum.

a breathing bush, the delicate branch with fluttering leaves, 
an organism trying to hang on in a concrete bed.
The whole unit is a green textured lung or there are little munchkins hiding under cover with a whole other world underneath.

Roots like veins - a metal wrapping keeping the restraints of human interference.
The large open sky overhead, a crystal blue that has been forgotten.     

******

  January 27, 2016

Narrowing the Space Between

I don't know if you are the you, or if we are we, a could be or should be.

I do know that brief moment of falling into the space between, that micro moment of enormous affect, is a perpetual void that I am missing in my life.

Falling into the unknown, the potentiality of a tender touch. Warm bodies and hot breath. The race of the pulse and the firing of the nervous system that can only occur with sweet intention, delicate touch and a leap of faith. 

Skin pressing and later slipping on the sweet sweat pearls of desire. Leaning into your you space, imprinting your adipose tissue to feel the flow of your blood.

and vice versa; receiving soft eyes, sweet lips, and catching the curious imperfections that identify you as you swallowing them hole into this moment of expanded time.  

This space between is a world that I long for. To sip and explore with you or at least the unidentified could be you, still waiting to be discovered yet wanting to leap with me you. 

******

  ~ sometime in September, 2015

Walking the edge of potential, but never breaking through
When really all I ever wanted was to snuggle and laugh with you.

Eyes of desire, a sweet kiss, and a soft touch,
I long to hear someone whisper to my cells
to tell me its already alright.

My cells porous and full of potential to love
Longing to yield to the warmth of a soft touch
Ready to fall into the sweet seduction of desirability

I want to lay next to the cells that make up your entity
Feel your breath and learn your knowledge through osmosis
I long to sit and drink coffee in the morning sun with you,
Or talk all night philosophizing about life past the stars and our small but perfect being of two. 

 ******

August 17, 2015

a birth day reflection - my 36th year 

 

On the eve of turning a new page...
I imagined running bare feet in a field, tending chickens, drinking home brew and laughing with you.

Instead I am blazing a trail to nowhere.
Hoping the next bend will bring Joy and a smile that will melt my bones.

I have chased the dream around the world and back,
To sit alone in my room with my cats.
Weighted by debt and a heavy heart,
Wondering if this is just another false start.

 ******

June 15, 2014

Haikus from the Heart

A leaf's turn reveals
hidden notes grow in the field
Whispers from the heart

Working digging dance
Paths far apart but hearts close
A season's cycle

-Heart shaped fruit-
Cucalemon glow
Smiles, desires, warm heart
thinking of you now

Flying high above
Two hearts intent to return
someday soon as one

Eyes close, breath softens
Dreams slip- memories appear
Longing to be close

Warm bread on the stove
A kitchen that is ours
We can make it true

Diligent work flow
Wonder with isolation
I miss you always

Shit in your head sucks
Together we are better
share your hopes and fears

Random thoughts of love
Even in the far distance
longing to hear you

Unsolicited
Reassurance is needed
Sub-thoughts will quiet

Is my love for you
Do I mourn the loss of dreams?
Who should I follow?

When your path crumbles
You can tumble with the stones
Or.....leap like a goat

Distance with distance
I feel a void without you
My heart hangs so low

Alone and not strong
Naïve faith testing limits
Broken and empty

Turn your heart to me
Once courageous you chased me
I will not let go

Fear clouds your sight now
Your heart isn’t as porous
Should we just part ways?

Is it time to go?
Expectations have fallen
Protecting myself

Both feeling so blue
Laughter and hope has left us
A sign to rejoin?

Once Afraid to love –
To admit we were perfect
Now apart too long

So busy it burns
I sacrificed you and I
Forever sorry

I will drop it all
Just to be held in your arms
With you is my place

My heart remains raw
your smile and glow pull me
still waiting for love